Hey guys!! It hasn't been that long since my last post right? Ok good. I am trying to make frequent posts to the blog so bear with me. I started working on what I thought to be my next blog post a week ago. I took a turn and ended up with this one because I felt more connected to the issues here. So here goes…
A few years ago I had a really bad break-up. And when I say bad I mean slashed tires, broken windows, degrading bad. Before the break-up we started the process of buying a house with the two car garage, the pine trees and the large yard. We had the joint bank accounts. He gave me all the material things I “needed”. He ran my baths after my long days. He lit candles when I wanted to relax. He sent me flowers on random days and cooked for me when I didn't feel like doing it myself. He made me all the promises that I needed to hear for me to stay in a toxic situation. I was in a very bad place because at the time I didn't realize how much of myself I was giving up to be with this man. I was so focussed on the optics that I fought like hell to be with a man who was blatant with his infidelities and made disrespect commonplace. I thought I needed to do whatever it took to keep my relationship intact. At the time my thought process was so clouded by what I thought to be love that I rationalized the hurt and made it normal. I figured that with time he would realize that the other women were just temporary pleasures. I figured that I would love him to the point that he would start loving me back. After all I invested time and couldn't face the idea of starting over…
One night after meeting one of his other women at a restaurant I finally had all I needed to address his lack of respect for the relationship. I walked in the house and he was on the phone with the woman I just left at the restaurant. She had already given him the rundown….The words he spoke made me realize that I was in a relationship with a man who didn't grab the concept of commitment. I was in a relationship with him. He was a single man… “Samantha, what is your problem?”… “You are acting out and these women don't get half of what I give you”…I lost it, but in that moment I gained the strength to pack my shit. Somehow after committing years to person who did not want the same things as me, I came to my senses because he finally admitted to his infidelities. I knew though. I made excuses for him. He didn't even bother making them for himself.
“IN YOUR CHALLENGING MOMENTS, ASK YOURSELF WHETHER YOU ARE BEING ADMIRABLE FOR STICKING IT OUT, OR RIDICULOUS FOR NOT WALKING AWAY”
I am telling you this story because I realize that my past is someone’s current reality. It is important to understand that we should never question what we know to be right. We should not replace our good sense with good dick and fake promises. That is not enough. I truly believe that a man will only continue to do to you what you allow. We tend to tolerate the familiar hurt rather than taking on the unknown of starting over. Then we adjust our morals to suit the situation. Convincing yourself that you can help a man to change is the worst decision that you can ever make. In most cases a man has already made a decision in his head as to what changes he is willing to make in order to keep you. Sometimes the odds are not in your favor and there is nothing you can do to change that. The moment you convince yourself that your self worth adds up to more than the broken promises and his rampant disrespect will give you powers you didn't know you had. In that moment you have to walk away…and let the air out his tires on the way out…
P.S I am in a much better place…shout out to bae…
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xoxo